Why Tiny Things About Our Partners Drive Us Mad

Frequently the flashpoints in our relationships come not around large themes, but strangely and almost humiliatingly small issues, like crumbs near the breadboard. We shouldn’t feel bad; ‘small things’ are generally the carriers of very big ideas. We have to get better at seeing what is really at stake beneath our pettier struggles.

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FURTHER READING

“Lovers who’ve been together awhile tend almost universally to get maddened by what look (on the surface) like certain absurdly small matters. An otherwise quite reasonable and decent person might admit to a range of acute sensitivities around some of their partner’s rather minor habits – and a tendency swiftly to lose their temper on encountering them: they press far too hard on the chopping board; they don’t put their seat belt on until after the car is started; in their handwriting ‘b’ and ‘h’ are practically indistinguishable; they squeeze the toothpaste tube the wrong way (pressing at the neck rather than the bottom); they use the word the word ‘tragic’ to mean ‘sad’; they leave drawers fractionally open; when they drink a glass of water they never drink it right down to the end but always tip out the last few drops into the kitchen sink...”

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