Truth & Character Thursdays

“The other part of communication is communicating your feelings. Friendship is a two-way street; it's mutual. Be honest about your needs and your feelings at all times, with no exceptions. If you're not articulating your feelings, we're not going to pick up on it--we don't take hints, we don't pick up on invisible social cues, we're not going to understand radio silence. We need real communication or we're both going to get confused and upset.” ― Chloé Hayden

Social cues are nonverbal signals used to express emotions, intentions, and reactions during normal social interactions. These include facial expressions and body language, which provide context for what is or isn't being said. While reading social cues is a fundamental part of successful communication, it can be complicated by differences in culture, as well as learning disabilities and neurodevelopmental disorders like autism.1

Verywell / Zoe Hansen

Examples of Social Cues

Social cues encompass almost everything that a person doesn't say to convey meaning or intention. These cues can be subtle or overt, conscious or unconscious.1

The different types of social cues include:

• Facial expression: A wide range of emotions can be conveyed with expressions like smiling, frowning, grimacing, smirking, raising or lowering your eyebrows, biting or puckering your lips, blinking fast or slow, or widening or squinting your eyes.2
• Body language: Postures, gestures, and movement can convey everything from emotional state to comfort level. This includes open and closed posture (such as the crossing and uncrossing of arms), pointing or gesturing to direct focus, waving hands to express anger or excitement, slouching to convey tiredness or depression, or fidgeting to express discomfort or anxiety.1
• Eye gaze: Direct eye contact can signal interest, attentiveness, or serious intent. Averting one's gaze can signal disinterest, discomfort, or distraction. Even the angle of one's gaze or the rolling of eyes can be interpreted as conveying sarcasm, disapproval, or impatience.3
• Vocal tone: Raising one's voice can be used to convey anger or excitement, or to simply punctuate something being said. Lowering one's voice or mumbling can convey discomfort, nervousness, or disapproval. Different vocalizations and intonations can express everything from sarcasm and frustration to impatience and sexual interest.4
• Body proximity: Body proximity can be used to signal comfort level or intent. Being close or leaning into someone can be used to express affection, while pulling back or angling away may express disapproval or shock, or to convey that one's "personal space" has been invaded.5
• Physical contact: Touching can have different meanings based on where a person is touched and how familiar the two parties are. Touching a person's shoulder or hand can have an entirely different meaning than touching one's knee or lower back. Touch can also be used to intentionally invade one's space as a threat or act of aggression.5
• Mirroring: This is the practice, typically unconscious, of mimicking one's expression, tone, and body language to express empathy or build rapport.6
• Physical presentation: This may be conscious to express authority, attitude, or the social "tribe" or belief a person ascribes to. It may also be unconscious, such as being unkempt when you are tired or depressed, or altering your appearance in uncomfortable or awkward social situations.5

Why Interpreting Social Cues Is Important

Social cues are part of the way that humans communicate, working in tandem with verbal skills to build context and understanding. It is estimated that around 60% to 65% of social communication is through nonverbal behaviors.5

Correctly reading social cues serves several purposes in navigating the social world, including:5

• Improving communications by reducing ambiguity and correctly identifying a person's emotional state and intentions
• Making deeper connections by responding with signs of understanding, interest, and empathy
• Navigating social situations by "reading the room" and adjusting your behavior accordingly
• Making others feel comfortable and included with open expressions, touch, and eye contact
• Being able to pick up subtle signs of distress, anxiety, or depression
• Making intuitive predictions about a person's personality and trustworthiness
• Better navigating interviews and educational or leadership opportunities
• Recognizing potential threats
• Detecting social or sexual interest or disinterest

Challenges in Reading Social Cues

Overall, the way that people deliver and interpret social cues is similar. Some are even believed to be evolutionary and "hardwired" into our communication skills.7

However, social cues are not universal, and not everyone conveys or interprets them in the same way. Some of the challenges that can impede or limit social cue interpretation include:

• Culture: Social cues can be interpreted differently in different cultures. Close physical proximity and touch may be considered normal in some cultures and an "invasion" of one's space in others. In parts of Asia, for example, direct eye contact and the expression of large emotions may be regarded as intrusive and socially discouraged.3
• Sensory limitations: Visual impairment or hearing loss can severely limit one's ability to pick up on social cues. On the other hand, people with sensory processing disorder (SPD) are overly sensitive to loud noises, bright lights, strong smells, and crowds, making it difficult to engage in social interactions and correctly read social cues.8
• Neurodevelopmental conditions: Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is characterized by difficulties with interactive conversation, eye contact, and the ability to read social cues.9 Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is characterized by impulsivity and a lack of attention, which makes it difficult to recognize and respond to social cues effectively.10
• Anxiety disorders: Social anxiety disorder (SAD), characterized by intense fear in social situations, often leads to the misinterpretation of social cues.11 Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), typified by heightened anxiety, makes it difficult to process information accurately. 12
• Personality disorders: People with schizoid personality disorder and avoidant personality disorder are commonly detached from relationships and have general difficulty expressing emotions. Those with narcissistic personality disorder and schizotypal personality disorder may appear odd or eccentric and lack empathy to correctly read social cues.13

How to Improve Social Cue Interpretation

Even individuals with cultural or cognitive limitations can improve their ability to read social cues. Among the general principles, social cue interpretation can be improved with:14

• Observation and practice: Start by seeing how others interact in real life, and try mimicking these behaviors in the mirror and then with someone you trust. Be strategic, working on one skill at a time (like eye contact) until you are comfortable enough to move on to the next skill.
• Get feedback: Turn to a trusted friend or family member for honest feedback. Try not to take the observations personally; rather, use them to objectively identify which skills you need to work on. The same person can help track your progress and provide encouragement.
• Work with a therapist: A therapist experienced in social skills training can provide the tools to communicate more effectively, both verbally and nonverbally. This includes active listening skills to help build empathy and stronger interpersonal relationships.

Unattractive Qualities

What is a time that you missed a social cue and made an interaction awkward?