Relationships Sundays

“Perception is everything. If you see everything through the lens of the naysayers or through a victim perspective, then it’s hard to get what you really want in life.” ― Keisha Blair

If you get caught in a riptide, the best way to survive is to swim with it. Go in the direction it's carrying you. People drown when they try to overpower the tide instead of using its energy to go somewhere else. 

The same principle holds true for overcoming naysayers in the workplace. 

If you're dealing with an active naysayer, and you try to overpower them, you will (emotionally) drown in negativity. Instead, you have to move with their energy, not fight it.

If you're presenting something, and you start to see disengagement, people looking at their phones, looking bored, or if you see negativity, people folding their arms and giving you that stink eye, don't ignore it. 

It's tempting to try and push through, but instead, take it head-on by saying something like, "Ned, what are your thoughts on this?" This defuses the nay-sayer instead of letting them continue to stew. 

The first step in dealing with negativity is to validate it. It seems counterintuitive. But we as humans grow (and survive) based on our ability to find and avoid the risk. When you dismiss someone, their fight or flight instinct goes into overdrive, then that person doubles down on the negative. When you validate them, it takes them off the defensive. 

Imagine Negative Ned answers your question by saying, "We've tried this before and it didn't work." You could try to overpower his energy by saying, "It will work this time, Ned because I have a better plan." But that will just make him defensive. Instead, try, "Ned, you're right. We can't have another failure." 

When you validate concerns, Ned's brain says, "Yep, I'm right! I avoided the risk. Go me." And then his brain gives him a dose of that feel-good chemical dopamine. After a nice dopamine hit, Ned is much more likely to be emotionally engaged (or at least receptive). 

Then you can channel the energy into problem-solving. Follow the validation with a question that gets the naysayer involved, like "How do you think we can mitigate that risk?” or "Can you research some solutions for us?" Even if you know the answer, the naysayer will be more engaged if they find it themselves.

That's how you handle it in the moment. 

Now let's talk about ongoing naysayers. In any organization, you're going to have the politics of competing agendas. You need to identify which naysayers have the power to derail, and which ones you can ignore. 

If someone is negative about your ideas, some key questions to ask yourself are:

• Do they have authority?
• What type of power do they have? Positional power or the power of influence? 
• Are they respected by their peers? 

 If the answer to all of those is a solid no, don’t waste your brain space getting upset. If the answer to any of those is yes, you need to put some effort into winning them over. Get them engaged by asking for their help. Asking questions (instead of telling them to get out of your way) shows you want their insight and you value what they're saying. It makes them feel included rather than like an outsider. 

You can train your team to do this, too. If this is a big project and you're not the sole point person, helping your team prepare for these conversations can drastically increase your win rate. 

Validate and direct the energy using questions. Make naysayers feel right and important, and your biggest naysayer may become your biggest champion.

P.S. Want to dive more into winning the hearts and minds of others? Check out my LinkedIn Learning course, Igniting Emotional Engagement.

Other Relationships

Why do you believe that some people are such naysayers?