Every child experiences big emotions—overwhelming feelings that can surge without warning and cause confusion or distress. Whether it’s a meltdown after a difficult day at school or tears over something that seems small to adults, these emotional moments are part of growing up. According to Caroline Goldsmith, psychologist at ATC Ireland, how we respond to these moments shapes a child’s long-term mental health, emotional intelligence, and resilience.
Children often lack the language or tools to understand and express how they feel. It’s our role as adults to guide them, not suppress or dismiss their emotions. Caroline’s approach blends empathy, neuroscience, and practical techniques to help children feel safe, seen, and empowered when emotions run high.
Understanding “Big Emotions” in Children
Big emotions are intense reactions that may seem disproportionate from an adult’s point of view—but to a child, they feel all-consuming. Common examples include:
- Anger when a toy is taken or a boundary is enforced
- Fear of the dark, separation, or unfamiliar situations
- Sadness over rejection or perceived failure
- Frustration when things don’t go their way
These emotions aren’t bad—they’re messages. The problem arises when children don’t know how to manage them or when adults respond with punishment rather than understanding.
Caroline Goldsmith’s Core Principles for Emotional Support
1. Validate Before You Educate
Children must feel heard before they can be guided. Instead of dismissing feelings (“Don’t cry” or “You’re being silly”), try saying, “It’s okay to feel upset—I’m here with you.” Validation helps regulate the nervous system and lays the groundwork for emotional growth.
2. Name the Feeling
Giving children a vocabulary for their emotions builds emotional literacy. Caroline Goldsmith suggests using simple language: “It looks like you’re feeling really frustrated right now.” This helps the child recognize what’s going on inside and builds self-awareness.
3. Co-Regulate Before You Expect Self-Regulation
Young children especially rely on adults to help them calm down. Sit with them, breathe slowly, speak in a gentle tone, or offer a soothing touch. This teaches the nervous system what calm feels like.
4. Set Gentle Boundaries with Compassion
Validating emotions doesn’t mean accepting all behaviors. Caroline Goldsmith advises setting clear but kind limits: “It’s okay to feel angry. It’s not okay to hit. Let’s find another way to show you’re upset.”
Simple Tools That Make a Big Difference
The Calm-Down Corner
Create a cozy, safe space with pillows, calming objects, books, or sensory toys where children can go when overwhelmed. It’s not a punishment zone—it’s a place to regroup.
Feelings Charts
Visual aids with facial expressions and emotion words help children identify what they’re feeling and open the door to conversations.
Mindful Moments
Teach simple mindfulness techniques like balloon breathing (in through the nose, out like you’re blowing up a balloon) or five-finger breathing to help children center themselves during stress.
The Role of Emotional Coaching in Long-Term Growth
Children who are emotionally coached by their caregivers:
- Develop greater emotional intelligence
- Have better peer relationships
- Perform better academically
- Exhibit fewer behavioral problems
- Are more resilient during challenges
Caroline Goldsmith emphasizes that these skills last a lifetime and prevent future mental health issues by teaching self-awareness, empathy, and self-regulation from a young age.
Supporting the Supporters: Parents and Educators
Helping children through big emotions can be exhausting—especially when adults are dealing with their own stress. Caroline urges parents and educators to practice self-compassion, seek support when needed, and remember that perfection isn’t required—presence is.
Support systems like parenting groups, child psychologists, and educational workshops offer valuable reinforcement. ATC Ireland also provides training and family consultations to support emotional development at home and in schools.
Final Thoughts
Big emotions aren’t something to fear or fix—they’re opportunities for connection and growth. When children are supported with patience and empathy, they learn that emotions don’t control them—they can learn to ride the wave and come out stronger. Caroline Goldsmith’s compassionate framework gives both children and adults the tools to build emotionally healthy, connected, and resilient lives.
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