Outlooks & Setbacks Saturdays

“Dad, despite the fact you can be a right grumpy bastard, I’m so incredibly grateful to have you in my life.” ― K.A. Hill

In general, older adults report less negative and, more often, positive emotions than younger adults. Older adults tend to use a wider variety of emotional regulation strategies (Puente-Martinez, Prizmic-Larsen, Larsen, et. al., 2021). And most actually report an increased level of happiness when compared to their younger selves.

However, there are those who do exhibit anger, at times consistent with their younger selves or even significantly greater than during their younger years. Factors that contribute to such anger include the following:

Loss

Much of the challenge of aging is about dealing with loss–the loss of relationships, physical abilities, identities, and one’s time. The task of aging involves successfully grieving and mourning these losses. Changing environments also involve loss, such as a changing world or the loss of one’s home. Such losses may certainly contribute to anger and overall irritability.

Social isolation

Anyone who has made it to an old age has outlived some of his or her friends or family. It’s natural to feel lonely and it requires a certain degree of openness, curiosity, and vulnerability to form new connections. These connections cannot replace those lost. But they can offer companionship as well as support as one navigates the challenges of moving on. Loneliness can lead to anger that undermines the process of forming new connections.

Physical ailments and chronic pain

Some seniors are fortunate and do not have major health challenges until a very advanced age. However, many experience a variety of challenges as their bodies age and various systems are impacted by aging.

Many seniors experience chronic pain that may lead to anger arousal. It’s especially important for them to constructively manage their anger, as it has been found to increase inflammation that may be associated with chronic illnesses, such as heart disease, arthritis, and cancer (Barlow, Wrosch, Gouin, & Kunzmann, (2019).

Visual or hearing loss may further contribute to anger. As such, caretakers or relatives should be especially alert to the symptoms of these changes.

Older man showing anger

Source: 123rf Stock Photo / rollingcamera

Cognitive abilities

Some cognitive skills diminish as part of the aging process. This may include issues related to memory, word or name retrieval, and the ability to hold information in mind for short periods of time. Aging may also impact executive functioning, such as planning, problem solving, and decision making. It may also contribute to increased difficulty in attention switching. Additionally, aging can impact processing time.

Certainly, Alzheimer’s or Dementia may lead to the most severe changes and impact on impulse control, an important skill for emotional regulation. Relatives and caretakers need to be alert to such changes as there are specific interventions that can help mitigate such reactions.

Hormonal changes

Men typically experience a decrease in testosterone beginning around age 40, and women see a decrease in estrogen beginning around age 50, both of which can lead to depression and mood swings. This may lead women to cry and vent to friends, while men tend to mask their depression with anger and irritability.

Depression

Change can be difficult, and old age comes with a great degree of change. The losses previously mentioned as well as loss of the ability to drive or care for oneself, loss of one's home, loss of one’s physical strength, and the loss of personal or professional identity are just a few that can lead to depression. And anger is especially evidenced with more intense depression in the elderly (Wang, Chee, Kim, et. al., 2011).

One study has found that depression can often result from a self-appraisal of being frail. (Subramanyam, Kalavathi, Jamuna, 2022). Additionally, an earlier study found that anger regarding such frailty can contribute to the depression (Schless, Mendels, Kipperman, & Cochrane, 1974).

Perceived discrimination is another factor that can contribute to depression and related anger in older adults. However, according to one study, subjective social power can protect victims of discrimination from reactions that may escalate conflict, but not from internalized anger that is likely to cause further health problems (Lee, 2018) .

Anger management tips

1. As with anger at any age, self-reflection that includes identifying feelings, core needs, and values behind one’s anger can help in constructively managing it.
2. Taking a few deep breaths to create calmness in one’s body and mind is a strategy that can be helpful if practiced as soon as possible when experiencing anger arousal.
3. Engaging in daily relaxation exercises can help to evoke calmness. This calls for practice and rehearsal.
4. Practicing mindfulness and mindfulness meditation to observe your thoughts, emotions, and even physical sensations as bits of information can help you to pause to intentionally respond, rather than react to them.

5. Identifying specific sources of loss that might call for more conscious grieving can help you let go. This includes practicing healthy remorse rather than ruminative guilt. It may also call for practicing forgiveness–of oneself and others. Ultimately, it calls for living more in the present and less in the past or the future–both of which we can’t control. It also entails recognizing that it is easy to identify hindsight about the insights that one did not have in the past.

   Grieving also calls for finding meaning and joy in the present—rather than focusing on the loss of abilities or making a comparisons to the past, whether with regards to friends, freedoms, abilities, or sources of self-esteem.

6. Increasing your physical activity with exercise, which might include walking, strength training, flexibility, and balance, is a powerful way to feel empowered. This can be done at any age and requires realistic goals. Of course, seek the advice of a doctor to determine the appropriateness of some activities. Besides supporting a sense of empowerment, such activity can also be a constructive outlet for anger and frustration.
7. Seeking professional help may be useful to find direction and to learn specific skills to address the many challenges associated with aging.

Aging is accompanied by many challenges that can contribute to anger arousal. Gaining clarity of one’s feelings and needs during this time is essential to make sense of and constructively manage such anger. Certainly, learning specific anger management strategies can help address such reactions. So much of how well we adapt to change requires resilience throughout our life. Drawing on and developing new skills for resilience is perhaps the major task of aging.

Positive & Negative Attitudes

What do you believe is the antidote to turning into a grumpy old man?