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Mastery Mondays

Wisdom & Knowledge

Knowing When To Keep Your Mouth Shut

Do you know someone who needs to learn to keep their mouth shut? It’s definitely a skill that not everyone possesses.

I so often remember hearing the old adage… “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” However, it seems like not everyone grew up hearing (or learning) that skill!

If we are honest, we all have mean thoughts sometimes. We can all be judgy toward other people and we all have opinions. The thing is that there is wisdom in knowing when to keep your mouth shut and when is an appropriate time to share your thoughts.

I often have to filter my thoughts - and like you, I sometimes say things I shouldn’t say. When I do that, I always end up feeling really bad about it. There truly are just some things that we should keep to ourselves.

When I put my foot in my mouth like that it always reminds of one friend that I have who puts her foot in her mouth all the time. She has very few friends because she turns people off regularly - she just says things that are inappropriate or hurtful. I know her well enough to know that her intention is never to hurt someone else - she just lacks the wisdom to know when to keep her mouth shut.

There have been a few times where I have tried to talk to her about it, but she is very unreceptive to my feedback. I find it’s often like that - the people who lack the wisdom to keep their mouths shut also do not take feedback well. They somehow feel that they have the liberty to say whatever they think but no one else is allowed to be that honest with them…it’s challenging to say the least.

I don’t tend to spend a ton of time with this friend because I have to take her in small doses - and when I do spend time with her, it’s a reminder to me that my opinions often belong in my brain, not coming out of my mouth!

Do you struggle to know when to keep your mouth shut or are you the type of person who keeps your thoughts and opinions to yourself?

Recommended Book

Keep It Shut

Jan 06, 2015
ISBN: 9780310339656

Interesting Fact #1

Authenticity is an important key to showing up fully and making an impact. We need to align our words, thoughts and actions because the most effective communication clearly articulates what you want to say, why it matters, when it will happen, which outcomes should result and who it is meant for.

SOURCE

Interesting Fact #2

This has an obvious downside that if you don’t speak up, then no one will know what you think. They can’t benefit from your wisdom and sadly, you might get dismissed. This can happen in loud aggressive cultures or families where the squeaky wheel gets the grease. If you work in a place that values assertiveness, a quieter and more reflective style will be devalued – you may not be seen as a leader within the organization, running the risk of being passed over for promotions and top jobs.

SOURCE

Interesting Fact #3

Sometimes what we actually say is less important than how and when we say it. Saying the right thing at the wrong time will fall flat and saying something important inauthentically will register as disingenuous and not connect. Overlooking the internal preparation on what you want to say and ignoring the external planning around how best to communicate will limit your success.

SOURCE

Quote of the day

“A smart man knows when it is time to keep quiet, and when to speak. Moreover, a wise man considers the consequences of what he intends to say.” ― Eraldo Banovac

Article of the day - 8 Situations when you should stay Silent

Knowing when to speak and when to stay quiet is an extremely valuable virtue. There is an old saying that goes, “Silence is golden,” and it could not be truer. Silence can help you to avoid unnecessary conflicts, misunderstandings, and regrets that may also damage your interpersonal relationships. Silence does not merely indicate keeping quiet but also one’s wisdom to understand the impact that their words may have upon the situation. In a world where we are often eager to express our thoughts and feelings and where we listen to respond and not to understand, it is also important to realize when we need to control our words and let our silence speak for itself. 

There are various situations where a person should stay quiet.

When There Is Nothing Kind to Say

There is a quote from an ancient Disney movie, ‘If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say nothing at all’. It means that it is better to stay quiet rather than hurt someone else’s feelings. One must stay kind in every situation. At times, you don’t have an idea of the impact that your words will have on someone else. Therefore, if you are not sure of the effect that your statements might have on others, it is better not to give those statements at all and be considerate of other people’s feelings and emotions and make a mindful decision.

When You Are Angry

We are all aware that words once spoken cannot be taken back. When we are outraged, we might say something we don’t mean and end up hurting someone in the process. When we are experiencing feelings of anger, we are frustrated and are at risk of lashing out and saying something very hurtful. This might adversely affect interpersonal relationships with our loved ones. Anger is said to cloud our judgment. Taking time to cool off allows you to think things through and respond calmly to the issue. 

When Other People Are Sharing

It is important to keep your thoughts, emotions, and feelings to yourself when someone is sharing some part of their life with you. Some people tend to interrupt others and make the conversation all about themselves. This makes the other person feel unworthy and unimportant. Moreover, do not immediately share advice or give personal opinions on their matters. Let them finish their part of the conversation first and offer advice only if asked. Before speaking on the matter, validate their feelings nonverbally through your body language (nodding, active listening, maintaining eye contact, etc.)

When You Lack Knowledge on a Certain Subject

While ignorance might be considered bliss, half information is much more dangerous. When you share your incomplete knowledge on any topic, it can turn out to be embarrassing for you. At any point in the conversation, if you are unsure about the information you possess, it is wise to stay silent and listen to the conversation. This way you gain more information on the subject and save yourself from any embarrassment. Additionally, if you are still unclear, ask questions. This further polishes your knowledge about that particular subject or topic. Active listening is also an important virtue.

When You Are At Odds With Someone

A conflict can escalate quickly from one topic to another. Before you say something hurtful, you must evaluate your words before you express them. It is better to take some time to think things over and make your point in a more composed manner. This approach to the situation is constructive and saves the relationship from deteriorating. You might otherwise end up saying something that might not be related to the conflict at all, but something deeply personal. During a conflict, we are very eager to keep our point above everything else and thus might end up saying the wrong thing.

When The Time Is Not Quite Right

Consider the context of the situation and surroundings when you are speaking. It could be highly inappropriate to talk about something dreadful during a celebratory event. Timing is everything in situations or contexts like these. Here, even if you make a valid point, it might be received by the public as inappropriate and insensitive. It might further ruin your connections and relationships with other people. You also need to consider the situation of the person you are talking to and if they are in a state of receiving the information in the same way you convey it.

When You Are Tempted To Brag

There is a popular saying, ‘Action speaks louder than words.’ While you might be very tempted to brag and boast about your achievements throughout your life, staying silent and letting your work speak for itself might be more impactful. Bragging continuously might make people view you as a self-centered and selfish person and affect your interpersonal relationships. Practice humility and silence to make better impressions rather than continuously talking and bragging about your successes. It is natural to let people know about all your triumphs, but practicing self-control is more helpful in the long run.

Read More: Why Do People brag about Things?

When You Get The Urge To Criticize Someone Publicly

We live in a digital age where criticizing someone publicly has become very easy and is now on the tip of your finger. Calling someone out in front of other people will hurt the feelings of the person on the receiving end of the criticism. If you feel that they have done something worthy of your criticism, keep quiet in public and correct them in private. This way, you get to be respectful of other people’s feelings by staying silent. It also helps you maintain personal integrity.

Conclusion

Silence is a virtue that is a characteristic of a wise person. Knowing when to speak and when to stay silent can have various benefits like maintaining relationships, saving yourself from embarrassment, and sustaining your integrity. It is better to keep quiet in situations that include conflicts, incomplete knowledge, someone venting, heightened emotions, criticisms, etc. Silence in some situations can help you to approach issues with more wisdom and clarity.

FAQs

1. What if I regret staying silent later?

There might be situations where you might feel that you should have spoken something. If you have completely thought it through and this feeling persists, address your concerns calmly. It does not mean that you cannot express yourself anymore. It means that you have valid points to make and you don’t get carried away by your emotions.

2. Isn’t keeping quite a sign of weaknesses?

Not, silence, in no respect, is a sign of weakness but rather a sign of strength and self-control. Moreover, it shows that you prioritize mindful and thoughtful conversations rather than impulsive and hurtful ones. Speaking in every situation might not be a wise choice for an individual, especially when you do not have anything meaningful to contribute.

3. Is silence always golden?

This completely depends on the context of the situation and no, silence might not always be golden. Sometimes it is essential that you speak for things and people you care about. Keep in mind that these conversations should not be had just to make a point but rather for a meaningful discussion. Always staying silent might also damage your interpersonal relationships. 

Question of the day - Do you struggle to know when to keep your mouth shut or are you the type of person who keeps your thoughts and opinions to yourself?

Wisdom & Knowledge

Do you struggle to know when to keep your mouth shut or are you the type of person who keeps your thoughts and opinions to yourself?